you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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