I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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