I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
