Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
