I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
