yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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