My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
