yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
