my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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