Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
