i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
