sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
