our cab driver is having phone sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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