yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
