Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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