is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
