found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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