Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
