I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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