What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize