im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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