Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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