Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we're making bets on your personal life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
