Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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