There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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