if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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