I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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