Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
