I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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