all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
