You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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