lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize