She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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