I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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