Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
please come you make the beer taste better
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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