dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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