Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
