she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
