is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
