The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize