I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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