Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize