There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
