I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
