If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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