Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
