You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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