am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
