I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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