My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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