I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
