I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize