My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
