I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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