We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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