his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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