like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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