So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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