is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
