Where did you get a picture of my penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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