But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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