also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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