It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
