i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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