I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
