I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
