I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize