there's paper in my vomit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
