Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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