dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
