just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
