so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
