We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
