He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
