I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
