I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
