I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize