is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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