allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
