I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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