I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i've created a new STD.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
