I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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