how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
