You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
