Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
