Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
