Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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