An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
