Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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