I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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