I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
