i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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