i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
