Duck Duck Cougar?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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