someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
