Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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