awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
