If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
