Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
